Been going through a lot this whole past week. I’ve been told my friends and family that I shouldn’t say anything, I shouldn’t post about my real life situations, that this is something personal that I shouldn’t involve you all in. While they’re all true reasons I’m gonna let you in anyways… Why? Because I have nothing to be ashamed of, I’m a victim of Domestic Violence. My dad has many times beat my mother, my brother and myself. This past Friday while in Mexico was our last straw as a family. My father decided to take my mom’s car and leave us stranded in Mexico, he grabbed my mother’s passport and other car information and tried to leave, as I tried to stop him he beat me in the middle of the street. I was left with bruises all over my body, a black eye and a broken family.
Oh noes! me with no makeup! this is just a few hours after the incident. I’ve never had a black eye before, I’ve never been beaten so badly before in my life. Now I do want you to understand something, I’m not looking for sympathy. I’m not looking for you to pity me, I’m looking for awareness. I want people to understand that this is still happening, this happens to people everywhere and that when it happens to someone you know sometimes you never expected it to happen to them. I’ve spent 22 years of my life covering for my dad, giving reasons and excuses as to why he may have hit me; “I raised my voice, I have to respect him, he’s my father so I knew if I raised my voice he would slap me so it’s my fault,” “I know he doesn’t like to be woken up when he’s napping, I shouldn’t have walked by the couch when I knew I might wake him up, it’s my fault he hit me,” “I should have cleaned the refrigerator when he asked me to, it’s my fault he took the golf club and destroyed my car.”
They’re all true examples and not even the worst ones, It’s something that my close friends always knew about. They always tried to help me get out of the house, move out, leave the troubles behind. I always had something holding me back, my mother. I love my mother more than anything in this world, more than any person i’ve ever met, I’d step in front of a train for her. If I left, she’d be at my dad’s mercy, if something happened to her I’d never forgive myself. If I left there would be no one to defend her, and when there was a bad fight I was always at my mother’s side to defend her. With this recent fight, I couldn’t let him leave with my mother’s passport and her car, how would we get home? I had to do my best to stop him, I was at least successful in getting back her passport but he got away with the car. I won’t go into too much detail over the entire fight as we still need our day in court, but things aren’t easy here.
The Black eye has gone down in swelling but the color is still a pretty terrible purple and green. As soon as I got home I was able to contact the Perris Sherrif’s department and they sent a deputy over, he helped us secure a emergency restraining order so my dad can’t come within 100 ft of us or enter in our home. But it’s a scary situation, but we’re doing out best. It’s scary to think that I’ll never see my father again, not that I’ll miss him, but that I’ll never have any good times again. But then I’m reminded that 99.9% of the good times were followed by him somehow blowing up and us getting hurt or in terrible trouble. I wish I could say this is an easy decision to make, I wish I could say that this is soemthing that never happens but it’s not. This black eye is my badge of honor, it’s my constant reminder that I’m a strong woman and I’ll get through this tough time now. That in the end I’ll come out stronger. Right now things are still tough, I’ll try and post more happy figure reviews, but for now, please forgive me if there isn’t much new content, I’m trying to sort out personal issues and there has been very little time for me to sit at the computer. But there will be another giveaway soon sponsored by Hobby Search, But first I have to send out the figures from the last giveaway!
I’ll leave you with one request, please don’t ever hit someone. Anyone, unless of course it’s in self defense. Boys don’t hit your girlfriends, mothers, sisters, cousins or anyone. Same goes for you too girls, we think we’re not gonna hurt them, but that constant slapping is just a double standard and we shouldn’t hit them either! Also if you know someone going through this, please have them contact the police, or even if you have to do it for them when you see the physical abuse, there is always gonna be emotional abuse with it and they’ll be scared, just as I’m scared now. But I know this is the right thing for us to do now, and we’ll get through this!Also if maybe anyone has some connections at Volks? I know a Dollfie Yoko might cheer me right up ^_~
12:20 am on July 13th, 2010 1
I’m really sorry this happened to you, kiddo. Sorry it’s ever happened to you. It’s not fair, it’s not right. I think you’re very brave for being able to talk about it openly. I’m sure you’ll recover, but I hope you find peace with everything going on in your life. If you need someone to talk to, I’m always around. I may not be able to relate, but I can definitely understand.
Regardless, I’m sending all my good thoughts. Feel better, okay?
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Dancing Queen Reply:
July 16th, 2010 at 12:03 pm
thanks, it was a hard decision to talk about it so openly but i figured why hide it?
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12:24 am on July 13th, 2010 2
I love how you put so much trust in your readers that you would share such a personal thing with us… I know you’ll get through this, no one should ever have to deal with stuff like this.
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Dancing Queen Reply:
July 16th, 2010 at 12:04 pm
well i felt that they keep coming back to my site day after day that i should include them
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12:24 am on July 13th, 2010 3
Seriously, it’s hard to believe that that happy dancing girl I saw at Pam’s house would have had so much hardships going on with her life. Just that is already something to be proud of, it requires a huge amount of… I don’t know, strength, bravery, love for one’s family, pride, etc. Add to that the fact that you have taken a step to make people aware of this kind of situations, a big step, considering that many people endure what you have for almost all their life.
Good luck for the future, you are on a good path.
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Dancing Queen Reply:
July 16th, 2010 at 12:05 pm
That’s why i had to say something, this kinda of domestic violence can happen to someone you would never expect
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12:36 am on July 13th, 2010 4
I saw your twitter about this the other day too, and I’ve been worried about you ever since.
Words are not enough to express my emotions…
I’m sorry, this sucks, you shouldn’t have to deal with this. I’m proud of you for making the right stand, you are doing the right thing. I’m proud of you for sticking with your mother. Unfortunately yes, children need to take the lead on these things in many cases because the wives are not able to. Again, you are doing the right thing, and no you shouldn’t ever be ashamed the only way to make progress is to stand up for what you believe in, no matter what the cost is, it is always better to stand up than to stay silent.
Stay strong. Call me if there’s anything I can do to help. Listen, hang out here, fill you up on pocky, whatever you need. *big hug*
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Dancing Queen Reply:
July 16th, 2010 at 12:06 pm
i’ll have to come over again, play video games, drink some melon soda and just hang out1
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1:09 am on July 13th, 2010 5
Keep looking forward and remember there are many people out there that have never meet you but are willing to help you.
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Dancing Queen Reply:
July 16th, 2010 at 12:06 pm
thanks, thats very true
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2:39 am on July 13th, 2010 6
I have deep respect for you for sharing this with us. It’s a good thing to stand up against domestic violence and make an example of courage!
Domestic violence is a huge issue in Germany, too. I always hope that posts like this encourage other people to stand up against this crime as well! Please take your time, take care of your family and come back if you feel like it. I think everybody around here will understand that.
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Dancing Queen Reply:
July 16th, 2010 at 12:07 pm
i know people would understand if i took a break, but i really needed to get back to my normalcy of my everyday life
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4:11 am on July 13th, 2010 7
That sucks :/ I’m sure you’ll win the court case though. I hope your mom will testify against him as well.
Be very careful, just because there’s a restraining order doesn’t mean he won’t try to come back.
In Canada I’ve known of two women that fought back against their abusive boyfriends. They were both were charged and it was put on their criminal record. They drew blood first. One of the women are trying to fight the charge though. I hope it’s not like that in the states (or anywhere else).
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4:12 am on July 13th, 2010 8
You’re so brave for finally putting an end to it all and for raising awareness of the realities of domestic abuse. I hope you’re eye heals quickly, you’re family moves forward and you can get back to posting your awesome figure reviews!
Take Care <3
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4:52 am on July 13th, 2010 9
i also follow you on flickr, and was really surprised to see this picture, didn’t post anything until i hear the story.
stay strong, and remember that the worst is over. you and your mom will be included in my prayers.
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7:43 am on July 13th, 2010 10
It’s awful that this has happened to you
I think it’s really brave of you to post about it on your site – awareness is key. People never realize what’s going on behind closed doors, and domestic abuse IS more prevalent than people think. It’s always just an abstract concept for some folks, so it’s a good thing for people to suddenly realize that it’s been happening to someone where they never expected it.
Good luck with everything and I hope a Dollfie Dream Yoko finds its way to you soon!
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9:44 am on July 13th, 2010 11
im proud of u for trying o defend your mum, keep being strong and learn from this, again im very sorry for what happened
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10:27 am on July 13th, 2010 12
I’m so sorry to hear about this. You’ve always seemed like such a nice and happy person to me, you and your family don’t deserve any of the horrible things that have happened to you. I hope the court case goes well and that you and your mom will finally be safe from anymore harm.
As others have said good luck with everything, I hope you’re able to have a much better future!
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10:37 am on July 13th, 2010 13
well I have problems with my dad as well and I always protect my mom but as a son , I must respect both of my parents .
TO me I don’t have the courage to even report about my father to the police because his my father .
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Dancing Queen Reply:
July 13th, 2010 at 10:49 am
even still, if he’s hitting your mom you need to report it, because if it gets worse and there is no record of it happening before it’s hard for the police to stop him.
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11:34 am on July 13th, 2010 14
It’s unbelievable how after going through all of that you care about the others first and try to warn us. You’re really strong and kind.
I’m sure all your readers will support you.
Stay strong, take care and good luck.
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11:56 am on July 13th, 2010 15
I work with people in recovery and it’s very rare to see someone not ashamed for being a victim. You are very brave and someone I’m very impressed with you. I wish the best for you and your family.
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12:11 pm on July 13th, 2010 16
Oh boy… I’m sorry to hear that it’s like that at your house. =( It’s like that at mine too, not so much anymore since I have gotten older (since I can retaliate now ), but when I was younger it was pretty bad. You can always, always talk to me if you need someone to rant to. Don’t ever hesitate to toss an e-mail my way, I’ll be more than happy to hear your problems and to try to help in any way I can.
<3
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1:28 pm on July 13th, 2010 17
please know that, as readers of your site, we will support you and cheer you on as you continue on the road of your life. You don’t need to rush with figure reviews for our sake. To trust us enough to put this out on your site, I’m really touched and think you’re very courageous. Hope things will get better.
P.S. I’m sorry but I don’t think i have the funds to buy you a Dollfie Yoko. ><;
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3:27 pm on July 13th, 2010 18
I think it’s great that you step up and refuse. I can in no way relate but can imagine, and those imaginations aint bright. Think the biggest problem is that it’s kind of concealed, from what I’ve heard it can take years before taking action and I understand that you want to believe in your parent/boyfriend. But if it is really bad I really think you should try seeking help, and if you as an “outsider” witness it in my opinion you should alarm the police. Even if the victim gets angry at you for minding their business.
Again I can’t relate and it may vary from case to case but I think that what you did was amazing and will hopefully inspire some people in one way or another. You have our full support. :3 Fighto!
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3:32 pm on July 13th, 2010 19
This is a more important thing to deal with than any of our silly rantings. We, and the Internet at large, can wait. I cannot offer much beyond an apology as a member of the appropriate gender, but there it is. Just move forward.
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5:26 pm on July 13th, 2010 20
Thank you for sharing this and making people aware that domestic violence is still rampant and that no one should have to go through this situation. I hope that through this, your family will draw closer and that your day in court will come soon.
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8:51 pm on July 13th, 2010 21
I salute your courage! Wasn’t expecting this to happen to you.
But yes I salute you for being strong. Hope to hear good news soon.
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11:52 pm on July 13th, 2010 22
My god, I’m rather shocked… Your dad should be put behind bars. Nobody should accept being hit. Not to put the blame on mom, but because she let him, the entire family had to suffer this long.
I wish you, mom lots of strength. Better days will come!
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9:20 am on July 14th, 2010 23
I can hardly believe this happened because normally you’re so cheerful, but just know that as a member of your online community, as readers, online friends, and fellow figure collectors, there are always those who support you.
I really hope things work out for you and think that you’re very brave to post this. If you’ve been struck down you will rise up again to become more powerful than you can ever imagine.
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12:11 pm on July 14th, 2010 24
You’re right,there’s nothing to be ashamed of…
I wish things will get better for you
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12:33 pm on July 14th, 2010 25
Frances, I’m sorry for joking about this on twitter the other day but I didn’t know that it was something this serious what you’ve been through not only now, but for so many years.
I also have my parents divorced and some other family issues and for the same I know that the pain is something we carry inside and it will never faint but I can’t compare my situation with yours.
It was so sad seeing you bruised on your little face that I would have prayed for just a chance of being there stopping your father but I don’t want to take you there again, I’m just gonna say that you’re indeed strong and you’re gonna be a wonderful stronger woman in the future.
I can’t deny that when something like this happens to someone it generates me the desire to worry for this one, I’ll try to be like always when reading you but there will always be that feeling from now on.
Go Frances, Go livin’ for your mom and all the people who cares about you (and for all those who are going to come in the future).
A tiny kiss (right in the bruise).
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1:39 pm on July 14th, 2010 26
I have a difficult time expressing my feelings about this, but I’d like to say that I was pretty shocked when I read about this. Stay strong, you’ll get through this, but you already know that!
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1:44 pm on July 14th, 2010 27
Hola linda, espero que estes mucho mejor. Definitivamente tienes razon cuando dices que no hay nada de que avergonsarce, cuando contamos nuestros problemas a personas a las que sabemos que les importamos nos sentimos siempre mucho mejor.
Siempre me ha gustado mucho una cita de Tolstoi en Ana Karenina que dice que todas las familis felices se parecen, pero que cada familia infeliz es infeliz en su propia manera. Mi familia dista muchisimo de ser perfecta, mis padres estan divorciados, y lo triste es que ahora que soy mayor reconozco que son dos personas que nunca debieron de casarse, son demasiado diferentes. A raiz de la muerte de mis abuelos maternos mi madre cayo en un depresion que le fue mal medicada, despues vinieron problemas economicos y a eso sólo siguieron más y más problemas, y si bien el problema nunca fue mi padre, sino mi madre que a raiz de la mala medicación tenia un caracter muy malo, mi hermana y yo nunca tuvimos un maltrato fisico, pero si uno verbal. Creeme que es horrible oir cosas tan hirientes de tu propia madre y que siempre se te culpe de cosas de las que no tienes el menor control. Incluso muchas veces pense en el suicidio, pero acababa arrepintiendome en último minuto. Ahora las cosas estan mucho mejor, una nueva doctora atiende a mi madre y ella ha tenido un cambio no de 180, sino de 360 grados, lo que me ha probado que por tan mal que puedan estar las cosas, siempre a la vuelta de la esquina nos aguardan cosas mejores y momentos felices. Ten fe y pacicencia, ni tu no tu mami estan solas, se tienen una a la otra y van a salir adelante.
Tus blog siempre me ha dado grandes momentos de alegria, porque se nota en cada palabra que eres una persona que ama lo que hace y que pone un poquito de su corazon en cada post. Cuidate mucho, te deseo lo mejor y que pronto puedas estar de regreso con nosotros.
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2:53 pm on July 14th, 2010 28
Finally got site to load, for some reason I had to clear my cookies otherwise it would direct me to that spy ware. I have delt with a lot of the same experiences, the high point being having a gun pointed at me or my mom. But my dad got better, alot of it had to do with the fact he was an alcoholic but now he’s sober and after many years I’ve forgiven him. I know it may not be alot but you’re right, all I see is a strong woman. A survivor. If you ever need anything or are in Texas feel free to let me know and I’ll see what I can do.
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3:16 pm on July 14th, 2010 29
i feel so sorry 4 u!
about dollfie yoko, i wanted one so i e-mailed volks and they said that Yoko was a limited product from last year only! boohoo
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7:02 pm on July 14th, 2010 30
It is something that requires great courage to admit and I agree that it is nothing to be ashamed of. I can’t really offer anything that hasn’t already been said but there is no dout that you will Rise Stronger From This and while your family is now missing a member, it is still your family and it’s really inspiring to hear about a small girl like you fighting against a grown man to protect them. Thank You, You have gave me some Inspiration for an otherwise routine day.
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7:13 pm on July 14th, 2010 31
That is way too messed up. I wish the best for you and your family. It looks like you have all finally taken the necessary steps to put this in the past and move on.
It will be hard the next several days, weeks and even years. But if you remain strong as a family, you will all come out of this stronger.
We all support you int the blog-o-sphere and are always here to lend a friendly ear and an group hug
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12:35 am on July 15th, 2010 32
That’s so messed up. Many people goes through it.
A lot of families in the world gets broken up over things like this.
It’s a good thing that your family moved on and took the right steps to prevent this from happening ever again!!!
I wish you the best and for your family too!!! The whole blogging world is behind you!!!
Maybe I can talk something out with the people at Volks when I’m in Japan or find a really cheap Yoko if I can find one (Cheapest I found so far was 30000yen)…
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Dancing Queen Reply:
July 15th, 2010 at 7:54 pm
wow i could totally afford 30,000 yen!
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Rin Reply:
July 16th, 2010 at 7:21 pm
It’s pretty much 300USD…if I find it cheaper…will tell ya…
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Dancing Queen Reply:
July 17th, 2010 at 12:35 am
well i can afford $300USD it’s the $1,000 USD i can’t afford
12:41 am on July 15th, 2010 33
The minute that picture of you loaded with that awful bruise I was shocked and couldn’t believe what I was reading. It was only two weeks ago that I saw you at Anime Expo at your show at Nokia Plaza, being the very happy and bubbly person you are in person and on your figure blog enjoying the days festivities. With you leading me to hug a man covered in red
Though I don’t want to go into great deal, I too can relate to being abused for too long until enough was enough and I left to start my life anew. You are doing the right thing in making sure this cycle of abuse stops so you & your mom can live a more beautiful and peaceful life.
I admire your courage and love for your family so very much that I know your strength will help you with the obstacles that are yet to come. When your day in court comes, stand tall with your mother and fight to make sure that no harm ever comes to you again. And remember that your friends & family will always be there to help you as well, you are never alone <3
To end things on a light note, take that Yoko Army of yours and lead them into victory
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8:41 am on July 15th, 2010 34
My parents marriage was pretty rough and uncomfortable to grow up with as well. Although I think it made me a lot more mature early on about who I date. No “off and on” boyfriends that my friends keep begging me to finally break it off with, and I stayed away from anyone with a temper. No one has laid a hand on me yet (friend or boyfriend) but if they did I would discard them immediately. It may seem heartless to not allow them a second chance, but once that piece of trust breaks I have no intentions of mending it. I’ve seen what happens when people are given another chance in those situations, and they usually disappoint you. This counts even if I’m married with children, none of this “staying together for the kids” crap. No one wins in that situation.
So yes, basically you have my full support! Good luck!
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7:49 pm on July 15th, 2010 35
I had to fight my dad a couple of weeks ago. I understand what it’s like and why it’s so easy to just let it go. But, if it’s like my case, it’ll keep happening unless you do something about it. It’s taken me longer than you, but I won’t be an enabler any more.
I applaud you for sharing this hurt. I hope it helps others realize they aren’t alone in this and that it’s far too common.
Take care.
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11:07 pm on July 15th, 2010 36
Wow. I’m shocked and saddened to hear about this, and you are indeed a strong and courageous woman to do something about it and to post about it. May you be an example for others going through the same situation. My prayers are with you and your family. We only met briefly at AX, but through this site I feel like I know you; if you ever need anything, please don’t hesitate to ask.
Well, except for that Dollfie; that might be undoable for me. ;p
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4:06 pm on July 18th, 2010 37
Between you and Oksana (of the Gibson tapes) this is becoming domestic violence awareness month for me. So much unnecessary cruelty out there.
I’m glad you got your Mom’s passport at least.
Good luck on the Dollfie, I like the Evil Deity Girls from that line myself. (Of course I don’t own any
)
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9:25 pm on July 18th, 2010 38
I really don’t know what to say. You are brave to share your story and raise awareness about the issue. Look towards better days ahead!
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8:22 am on July 21st, 2010 39
Sorry to hear about that Frances. I hope this doesn’t come off as insensitive, but I’m surprised your Dad hasn’t destroyed any of your figures out of anger.
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2:19 am on July 23rd, 2010 40
I would never think any different of you if you decide to share personal matters here. It’s your blog after all, and you shouldn’t feel the need to be silent about something like this. You’re a very strong woman, and I hope the best for both you and your mom.
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